what makes us happy
by aprylynn
Summary: For years she convinced herself she didn't need anyone else to share her life with. And for years she was right. But, she thinks they can have something really, really great and nothing is worth wasting this chance for them to find some happiness – and to find it together. Post Humbug (6x11) fic. Collaboration with the lovely raccoonsmate4life. We own nothing except our feelings.


A small, warmly-lit cabin, nestled amidst the vast forest of snow-covered evergreens at dusk is the picturesque scene that greets Kensi as she steps out of the truck after the five hour drive from LA. As she stretches her legs and stands outside the cottage, mesmerized by simplistic beauty of it all, the crunch of Deeks's boots on the snow as he makes his way to the back of the truck brings an unexpected wave of nervous energy washing over her. It's as though this is all suddenly becoming very real – more real than the hand-holding and kisses from the day before, more real than the anticipation of seeing him again after a night apart ("so we can do this right this time," he'd said as he kissed her goodnight outside her front door), and more real than the sometimes-awkward conversation and awed silences between them on the ride up.

She's so lost in her thoughts, she doesn't hear him approaching her until he's just a couple steps away and calling her name.

"You good?" He murmurs as he stops beside her, eyeing her curiously and probably wondering why she's still standing out in the cold instead of letting them into their cozy accommodations for the next four nights.

Kensi sighs and turns her head to look at him, a shy smile on her lips. She's so much better than good.

"Yeah," she nods reassuringly and loops her arm through his, tugging him closer to her. Tilting her head up expectantly, her smile grows as he leans down to press a sweet kiss to her lips. "Really good."

"I'm glad you're here," he whispers. Even in the near-darkness, his eyes are sparkling.

Her mind drifts back over years past – from a time when she could have never foreseen falling for her cocky, frustrating new partner, to last year when she would have given just about anything to be where they are right now instead of where she was – cold and lonely in Afghanistan. Then she thinks maybe it wouldn't have been the same; that maybe they weren't ready for this a year ago.

Now, though? She knows they're more than ready.

"I'm glad we're here."

Deeks kisses her forehead. "Me too."

* * *

"How was that not our first official date?" Kensi props herself up onto her elbows, letting the bedsheet slip down, exposing her bare shoulders. She smirks as Deeks seems momentarily distracted by the action, his hand coming up to brush her hair off her shoulder before trailing along her spine and coming to a rest low on her back.

Hours earlier, after unpacking the truck, they had ventured to the main lodge at the mountain for dinner – one that was filled with good food, comfortable conversation, and lingering looks. Then, back in the privacy of their cabin, it wasn't long before clothes littered the small hallway leading to the bedroom as they crashed onto the bed in a tangle of lips and limbs.

"What about last year?"

Kensi rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "You mean the date I didn't even know we were on? When we left without dinner and was followed by a really shitty day?"

"It wasn't only the next day that was really shitty," Deeks mumbles and Kensi instantly regrets bringing it up. They're finally moving past everything that went wrong in the past year and she has no interest in reliving it. But before she can apologize, Deeks drops a kiss to her shoulder and nods. "Okay, touché," he relents and then smirks at her as the hand on her back drifts lower and gently squeezes her ass. "Although I seem to remember that night ending quite similarly to this one."

A quiet laugh escapes her as she leans over to trail light kisses along his jaw before his lips eagerly meet hers. Kensi moans as he deepens the kiss and tugs at her hip to pull her flush against him. Shifting to her side, she snakes an arm around his waist as her head comes to rest on his bicep. They seem to be headed for round two when Deeks suddenly pulls back. His eyes dance over her face, as though he's searching for something.

"What's wrong?" Kensi reaches up to brush the hair out of his face.

"Can I ask you something?"

She furrows her brow and nods, "Yeah."

"Yesterday – the whole 'being bold' thing…what made you do it? Don't get me wrong, that may be one of the single best moments of my life. And inviting you here…I was trying to figure out—"

Kensi draws his face to hers, kissing him deeply and effectively ending his rambling. She knows why he's asking – they've danced around their "thing" for years, and never more deliberately than over the past year. How can she put into words all of the reasons she was tired of their status quo? That with all the shitty things they see every day, she thinks they can have something really, really great and nothing is worth wasting this chance for them to find some happiness – and to find it together.

She breaks their kiss but keeps her face close to his. She knows exactly why she decided to finally be bold and honest with him. But the words are hard to find at the moment. It's a combination of things, including having his warm naked body pressed up against hers. But also, she has not felt this way in a long time. For years she convinced herself she didn't need anyone else to share her life with. And for years she was right. But before she knew it, Deeks had become someone so much more than just her partner and friend. Now he is the most important person in her life. Even though she is very much out of practice with sharing these things, she wants to answer his question and tell him why.

"I didn't want to be here without you knowing how I feel... and what I want."

"And what do you want?" The teasing smile he gives her is beyond adorable, but she notices the insecurity behind it.

She laughs nervously. "Um... you know, things have been complicated for too long when they don't have to be." Gently, slowly, she ran her fingers along his chest. "I had a lot of time to think while I was away." She sees his smile fade at the mention of their separation, but she continues. "There were more than a few times when I'd wonder if and when I'd see you again... especially at the end. It so easily could have gone badly. But it didn't. I made it home, thanks to you and the others. And I realized that the things I was afraid of before I left... all that crap about the frozen lake... it just didn't seem like it mattered anymore. Whatever risk I thought there was to us being together... it wasn't worth holding off and missing out on something great."

"But... we did hold off."

She nodded, vividly remembering the disappointment she felt watching him slide her knife back to her. "It seemed like you were telling me you weren't ready. Like you were still scared."

His brow was furrowed as he let out a sigh. "I had a lot of time to think too... while you were gone. Most of the time I was wondering if you'd ever come home, worried sick that something might happen to you, feeling guilty that the whole thing was my fault."

"Deeks..."

"I made a lot of bargains. I don't even know who I was bargaining with. God, the universe, anyone. The most important thing to me was you coming home alive. I was willing to give up everything else, including my job... and any chance we might have of being together. And then you were home and I was beyond relieved... but still terrified that it could all go straight to hell at a moment's notice."

"Deeks..." She kisses him gently. "It was awful for both of us. But I realized that I'm not content holding back anymore. Life's too short and our jobs are too damn unpredictable to not take chances and live for what will make us happy."

He brings his hand up to her face, stroking her hair. His hand continues to her shoulder and down her arm. "You make me happy." He speaks softly.

She smiles and buries her face in his neck, breathing him in. She feels elated as a wave of warmth and excitement sweeps through her. Being in his arms and opening up to him makes her feel braver than she has in years. There is still one more thing she has to say to him.

"Marty..." She hears him chuckle at the sound of his first name. She threads her arm around him and pulls him even closer. Placing a soft kiss on his neck, she then whispers against his skin. "I love you."

She feels him tense for a moment, making it clear that he heard her confession. Anxiety begins to build inside of her as she waits for his response. Talking about being bold and going all in and wanting to be together is one thing. Actually saying the words is another.

Finally he pulls back enough to look her in the eyes. The intensity in his gaze makes her forget to breathe. "Kens..." He says her name with such tenderness and reverence. "I love you too."

He kisses her, taking away her anxiety and her breath at the same time. She loves the way his lips move against hers, the feel of his tongue in her mouth, the gentle nip of his teeth on her skin, the scratch of his beard. It's been just over a day since he kissed her at the skating rink, but she already knows she doesn't want another day to go by without this. Her heart is full to the point of bursting and she can't help but smile as he kisses the hell out of her. She feels him getting harder, prompting her to hook her leg over him.

"You haven't had enough?" He teases.

"Of course not. We have a lot of wasted time to make up for."

"Wow. That could take awhile." He guides her onto her back and hovers over her. "We might not have time for snowboarding."

"This maybe a shock to you, but I have no intention of snowboarding while we're here."

He smiles. "I love you."

"I love you too."


End file.
